[nteraational Copyrighted (in England, her Colonies, and 
ited States) Edition of the Works of the Best Authors 



No. 305. 



THE READER 



A Comieliaj In #n^ Airt 



BY 

ADA TULLY AMMERMAN 



Copyright, 1915, by Samuel French 



No permission is required to produce this play 



PRICE 25 CENTS 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 WEST 38th STREET 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 



THE READER 



A (fLam^hij in ^n^ Airt 



BY 



ADA TULLY AMMERMAN 



Copyright, 1915. by SAMUEL FRENCH 



]So permifasion is required to produce this play 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 WEST 38th Street 



London 
SAMUEL FRENCH. Ltd., 
28 Southampton Street, 

STRAND 



\^ 



THE READER 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Mrs. Saunders Landlady 

Geraldine An angel child 

Miss Perkins A pessimist 

Jemima Negro servant 

Mrs. Patchett From Pottstown 

Miss Jones A detective 

Miss Shirley Green A reader 



M 16 1915 



iCID 40950 



TMP92-008586 



THE READER 



Scene: — Reception room in a Nezv York hoarding 
house. 

(Jemima enters with dust brush duster and carpet 
sweeper — starts in to " straighten up," singing 
'^ Way dozvn Yonder in the Corn Field.") 

Jemima. (Running carpet siveeper vigorously) 
My land sakes ! It ain't no satisfaction doin' the 
work in a boardin' house like this. Just as soon 
as yo' gets done cleanin' up after one mess of folks, 
some more triflin' sinners comes in an' tracks it up, 
tracks it up — Ha, ha, Mis Sanders says, Mammy — 
clean up the i^E-ception room. Ha, ha, reception 
room. This is where Mis Sanders r^-cepts the 
new boarders (Imitating bowing, etc.) and where 
the boarders r^-cepts their board-bills, and where 
Mis Sanders r^-cepts their money — if they got it, 
and where they r^'-cepts their notice to get out if 
they haven't. (All this time loafing) 
(Enter Mrs. Saunders, goes to zvriting desk dozvn 
stage right. Jemima proceeds to work hard, 
looking at Mrs. Saunders out of the corner of 
her eyes, and, whenever she thinks she is look- 
ing, working vigorously.) 

Mrs. Saunders. Jemima, have you see Miss 
Perkins, this morning? 

Jemima. No, Mis Sanders, I have been spared 
that so far this mornin', but I expects the calamity 

8 



4 THE READER. 

every minute, cause I heard the board creakin' in 
her floor {Looking overhead) and I knows she's 
up and stirrin'. When she's up she's always stirrin' 
— stirrin' up some kind of trouble for somebody. 

Mrs. Saunders. Hush, Jemima. 

Jemima. Yas, Mis Sanders. (Miss Pkrkins 
heard outside) 

Miss Perkins. JEMIMA. 

Jemima. There she is, she's startin' in on me, 
Jemima has done somethin' or Jemima has not 
flone somethin'. {Imitating her) 

{Enter Miss Perkins, face wrinkled, sharp 
tongued, shrill voiced.) 

Miss Perkins. Jemima, you nmssed the sham 
on my bed, made wrinkles right across the face of 
it and spoiled it. 

Jemima. Excuse me. Miss Petkins, when 
wrinkles is across anybody's face it usually spoils 
it, and if the wrinkles gets in too deep — Oh, way 
down to your feet, it spoils your soid, yessum. 

(Miss Perkins whisks around and addresses Mrs. 
Saunders.) 

: Miss Perkins. The incompetency of these 
Colored people is only exceeded by their im- 
pertinence. 

Mrs. Saunders. Oh, well. Miss Perkins, they 
mean well. 

Miss Perkins. Yes MEAN is the word, that's 
what they are Mean. {Glaring at Jemima, seats 
l-'crself L.) Mrs. Saunders, what on earth sort of 
l)ersons are those in Room No. 25? 

Mrs. Saunders. Oli, Mrs. Patchett? She's 
from the country seeing New York. 

Miss Perkins. Hum.ph ! A pity she couldn't 
have done that without giving us all the pain of 



THE READER. 5 

seeing her. and worst of all hearing her. Such a 
vocabulary is appalling. She keeps on talking, talk- 
ing, just to anno}^ one. 

(Enter Mrs. Patchett, dressed for the street, old- 
fashioned, gaudy.) 

Jemima. (Giggles) Here she comes, bringing 
her vocabular3^ 

Mrs. Patchett. Good mornin' Miss Janders, 
Good mornin' Miss Pekin. I allers recommend 
your name, Miss Janders, because we had a old 
yella cow up home, with the janders. It was yella 
to start with, and when it got the janders, it was 
almost orange. Your complexion bein' a little yella, 
and your yella bow, and your name bein' Janders, 
I reflected it was quite a coincidence. 

Miss Perkins. (Hissing) Appalling. 

Mrs. Patchett. What did you expectorate, 
Miss Pekin? 

Miss Perkins. My name is not Pekin. Do I 
put you in mind of the map of China? My name 
is Perkins. 

Mrs. Patchett. Oh, I beg your parding, 
Perkins, oh PU reccommember that by some special 
gherkin pickles that we have on our place up state. 
My, but they were sour things. I done up some 
just before I come away. 

Jemima. {Under her breath) I wish she'd 
done up this one. 

Mrs. Patchett. I won't forget you again Miss 
Gherkin. I seldom become confusidated concerning 
names because as I say I always alleviate them with 
something in Pottstown — that's where I live up 
state. In fact, I can't say I live right in Pottstown, 
but adjadescent alongside it, about two mile from 
the station. Well, I must be off. I am going to 
see New York to-day. Yes, I thought I'd give up 
the whole day and see New York. Thought I 



6 THE READER. 

might as well take time enough to see it all I 
capitulate I'll be through in time to meet the 5 : 20 
train from. Iowa. I expect my cousin. I'm 
goin' to take her up to Pottstown. Her health 
IS a little defunct, and she thought up home with me 
it would be a good place to recapitulate, being 
different. Variety is the specimens of life, as the 
psalmist says. (Going out) Well, Au re want. 
(Exit Mrs. Patchett) 

Miss Perkins. This is perfectly overcoming. I 
am going to my room to rest. 

Mrs. Saunders. Yes, come on do. (Exeunt) 
Jemima. (Looking after them) Yes, go on 
do, and give me 2i rest. 

(Enter Geraldine, the Angel Child; noisily jumps 
at Jemima and nearly knocks her over.) 

Geraldine. Oh, Mammy, Mammy, mother has 
gone out and left me to play with my dolls, but I'd 
rather play with you (Putting her arm around 
Jemima, who is kneeling left front dusting the 
rounds of a chair) I think you are the nicest little 
old soft (Patting head) dolly in the world. Oh 
let's play you were my dolly and your name was 
Arabella — Perkins. 

Jemima. (With both hands up) Xo, no, I 
won't be no Arabelda Perkins Um hum. 

Geraldine. (Laughing) Oh, well, be just plain 
Arabella. 

Jemi^ia. All right, I don't have no strenuous 
objections to Arabella plain. 

Geraldine. \\^ell, I'll lay you down, and you 
must close your eyes and go to sleep. (Suiting action 
to word; then covering her with a child's handker- 
chief, waits a minute) Then when I raise you up 
you must open your eyes. \Mien I punch you in 
the stomach you must sav Ma-ma [Punches hard) 

Jemima. GOOD GRACIOUS! 



THE READER. 7 

Geraldine. Oh, no, you mustn't say that. 
(^Laughing) 

Jemima. I don't want to play that no more. 

Geraldine. All right I'll tell you what let's play. 
Let's play I was a suffragette. 

Jemima. Sufferin' who? {Holding stomach) 
No, I don't want to play no more sufferin' games. 

Geraldine. Oh, III be the suffragette. I'll be 
Inez Milholland and you be the snow white, oh, no, 
jet black horse she led in the parade. {Reflectively) 
I just forget whether it was a white horse or a 
black horse {Looking doubtfully at Jemima, who 
rolls her eyes. Then, hurriedly) but I guess it was 
a black horse with white eyes. [Proceeds to put 
duster around Jemima's neck as bridle, grabs nezvs- 
paper from table, rolls it into horn, snatches yellow 
tidy off chair and drapes it over horn, grabs bridle 
in left hand, toots horn with right. Both start across 
stage to right, Jemima on all fours, child tooting 
noisily. Enter Miss Perkins; holds up both hands 
in horror) 

Miss Perkins. What on earth does this mean? 
(Jemima grabs broom, carpet sweeper, and noisily 
scampers out of room, scared to death) 

Geraldine. ( Undisturbed) Why, we were 
playing Suft'rage Parade. I'd love to be a suft'ra- 
gette. Are you a Suffragette? 

Miss Perkins. {Aghast) No, indeed. 

Geraldine. I don't know which I'd like to be 
best, a suftVagette or a eugenic. They're both 
lovely, only of course eugenics are the latest. Suf- 
fragettes are a little old-fashioned now. MoUie 
x\nderson's mother belongs to a new one. It's a 
sex hygiene. Do you like them? MoUie Ander- 
son's mother always has everything the latest. I 
think next time I'll be one of them. 

Miss Perkins. {Sternly, she has been pacing 
up and do7un in consternation) Where is your 
mother ? 



8 THE READER. 

GeraldinB. Oh, she's gone to a lecture at the 
National Association of child study. 

Miss Perkins. Indeed! (Marches out of the 
room) 

Geraldine. {Imitating) Indeed! {Marching 
around. Exit) 

(Enter Mrs. Saunders folloived by Miss Jones, 
the detective.) 

Mrs. Saunders. Now I think we can make you 
comfortable. {Handing hack letter) Your refer- 
ences are all right. I see you are a member of the 
Excelsior Detective Bureau. 

Miss Jones. Yes, I thought it was best for 
you to know that I was a detective — it would 
account for my irregular habits, but of course no 
one else must know, for one never knows but that 
in the most unexpected places one may find a clue. 

Miss Saunders. Well, I don't think you will 
find any clues here. Life in a boarding house is 
Very humdrum. {Rings for Jemima. When she 
appears says) Take this lady to No. 22. (Jemima 
eyes her up and doivn, takes her suit case. They 
both go out. Bell rings. Miss Shirley Green 
enters. Mrs. Saunders rises to greet her) 

Mrs. Saunders. How do you do, Miss Green? 
Have you come to the City again to study. 

Shirley. Oh, yes, I am preparing for a 
Shakesperian Recital at the Waldorf and I am 
nearly studying my head off. Can you give me 
a nice quiet little room where I can practice? 

Mrs. Saunders. Well, I am pretty well filled 
up, but if you don't mind taking this one. {Opens 
door to left of room. They enter other room, which 
must he seen from audience) 

Shirley. Oh, what a delightful httle room. 
{Turning to Mrs. Saunders) I shall be all right 
here. 



THE READER. 9 

Mrs. Saunders. You can practice here undis- 
turbed. (Mrs. Saunders goes out. Shirley un- 
packs satchel, gets out books and proceeds to study. 
Enter Jem km a on other side of zvall) 

Shirley. I'll try my Hamlet first. 

Jemima. Somethin' about this place seems kind 
of spooky to-day, new people comin' you don't 
know who they is nor what they is nor what their 
intentions is goin' to be. 

Shirley. (From other side) " Look, my 
Lord, it comes." 

Jemima. Eh? (Looking cautiously about) 

Shirley. (Hamlet) " Angels and ministers of 
grace defend us. Be thou a spirit of health or 
goblin damned? Bring with thee airs from 
Heaven, or blasts from Llell?" 

Jemima. (Transfixed) Oh, my Lawd 1 

SHIRLE^^ (Hamlet) " What may this mean, 
tliat thou dead corpse revisitst thus the glimpses of 
the moon — making night hideous " 

Jemima. Well, I should say so. 

(Enter Geraldine seeing Jemima shaking.) 

Geraldine. (Azvesomely) What's the matter, 
IMammy ? 

Jemima. Shish (Casting eyes around) there's 
spooks somewhere around here. 

Geraldine. Oh, nonsense, Mammy, how could 
there be? 

Jemima. I tell ye they is, I heard 'em talking. 

Shirley. (Hamlet) " Speak." 

Jemima. Hark! 

S^iiRLEY. (Hamlet) " Lll go no further." 

Jemima. Thank the Lawd for that. (Eyeing 
the IV all) 

Shirley. (Ghost) My hour is almost come, 
when I to sulphurous and tormenting tlames must 
return. 



lo THE READER. 

Jemima. The Devil himself. 

Geraldine. Oh, Mammy, I'm afraid too. It's 
coming under the crack of the door. {Begins to 
cry. They stand huddled together looking at spot 
from zvhence sound comes) 

Shirley. (Hamlet) " Speak, I am about to 
hear." (Ghost) "I am thy father's ghost." 

(Geraldine and Jemima quake with fear.) 

Jemima. I told you so. (They rush pellmell 
out and hump into the detective who is coming into 
the room) 

Detective. Well, sunshine and shadow seem to 
be in a hurry. (Advances, seats herself at desk 
and starts to zvrite) 

Shirley. (Ghost) " I could a tale unfold, 
whose lightest word would freeze thy young blood, 
and make each particular hair to stand end." Listen. 
(Detective looks up) "If ever thou didst thy dear 
father love, revenge his foul and most unnatural 
murder." (Detective starts up. (Hamlet) 
"Murder?" (Ghost) ''Murder most foul." 
(Detective goes back to desk and takes notes 
vigorously) 

Shirley. (Takes up another hook) Now, old 
Macbeth, let me give you a turn. (Lady M. ) 
" Hark, I laid their daggers ready. Had he not 
resembled my father as he slept, I had done it, 
my husband." (Macbeth) "I have done the 
deed. There's one did laugh in his sleep and one 
cried. Murder." (Lady M.) " Why did you bring 
these daggers from the place? They must lie there. 
Go carry them and smear the sleepy grooms with 
blood." (Macbeth) "I'll go no more. I am 
afraid to think what I have done, look on it again 
I dare not." (Lady M.) "Give me the daggers 
If they ao bleed, I'll gild the faces of the grooms, 
for it must seem their guilt." [Enter Miss 



THE READER. ii 

Perkins, advances front left, eyeing the Deti:c- 
Ti\ E, who is deep in study and does not see her; 
sits in armchair and knocks with hand idly on chair 
or table) (Macbeth) "Whence is that knocking. 
How is it with me when every noise appals me?" 
(Miss Perkins knocks again nervously looking 
from Detective, to Shirley's room. Lady M.) 
"Hark, more knocking. (Miss Perkins stops) 
Get on your nightgown lest occasion calls us and 
shows us the watchers. (Miss Perkins is shocked 
at night gozvn. Sitirley picks up another hook and 
reads) (Romeo) "Call me but love, I will for- 
swear my name and never more be Romeo." 
(Juliet) " What man art thou, that thus be- 
screened in night, so stumblest on my counsel ? " 

Miss Perkins. {To Detective) There's a 
man in her room. Scandalous. 

Shirley. (Juliet) " How camest thou hither 
to tell me and for what? The place is death con- 
sidering who thou art, if any of my kinsmen find 
thee here. 

Miss Perkins. Well, I should say so. 

Shirley. (Romeo) "With love's light wings 
did I oerperch these \\alls, for stony limits cannot 
keep lov2 out and what love can do that dares love 
attempt, therefore thy kinsmen are no stop to me." 
(Juliet) "If they do see thee here they will 
murder thee." 

Miss Perkins. }\Iurder, the woman is a crim- 
inal. 

Shirley. I would not for the world they sa"w 
thee here. 

Miss Perkins. (Sarcastically) I suppose not. 

Shirley. ( Juliet) " Oh, gentle Rom:o, if 
thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully and not im- 
pute this yielding to light love (Miss Perkins 
listening at keyhole) which the dark night hath so 
discovered." 

Miss Perkins. Well, I'll see that vou're dis- 



12 THE READER. 

covered all right. {To Detective) I shall tell 
Mrs. Saunders. I am sure there is a man in that 
room. Don't you think so? 

Detective. {Looking very wise) Yes, it would 
seem that the woman has an accomplice. 

Shirley. (Juliet) " If that thy bent of love 
be honorable, thy purpose marriage, send me 
word where and what time thou wilt perform the 
rite. What o'clock to-morrow shall I send to 
thee?" (Romeo) " At the hour of nine." 

Miss Perkins. {Who has been listening at the 
keyhole) They are going to be married at nine 
o'clock to-morrow. Humph, they ought to have 
thought about that before. This is scandalous. I 
shall tell Mrs. Saunders. 

(Detective gathers up all her papers and notes and 
goes out. Enter Mrs. Patch ett.) 

Mrs. Patchett. {Wearily) Well, I am so 
fat-i-gued I don't know what to do. PU just sit 
down here and resustiate myself. {Seating herself 
in arm-chair to left) I don't see why when Mr. 
Amsterdam laid out New York he spread it around 
so. It makes it so bothersome going from one 
place to another. Now, in Pottstown we have Main 
Street and everything of interest to towerists is on 
that street or pertaining to it. I think it would be 
much better if New York — but I did hke to ride in 
the second story omnibus on Fifth Street — ryou 
know, with the fire escapes down the back? Yes, 
it makes 'em so safe and sanitary. 

Miss Perkins. There's a new boarder in that 
room. 

Mrs. Patchett. Yes? 

Miss Perkins. And there's something queer 
going on. 

Shirley. That potion scene is the hardest of all. 
(Juliet) " How, if when I am laid into the tomb 



THE READER. 13 

I wake before the time that Romeo comes to 
redeem me? There's a fearful point. Shall I not 
then be stifled in the vault and there die strangled 
'ere my Romeo come ? " 

Mrs. Patch ett. My, but she is queer, there 
used to be a girl in Pottstown had them regular, 
apoplexic fits, and they finally had to put her away 
in a aquarium. Nice girl too, it was too bad she was 
queer. 

Shirley. Or if I wake, shall I not be dis- 
traught? Environed with all these hideous fears, 
and madly play with my forefathers joints? 

Mrs. Patch ett. Oh, she's got another one. 

Shirley. (Juliet) And in this rage with some 
great kinsman's bone dash out my desperate brains. 

Mrs. Patchett. My she's real bad isn't she? 
I think something ought to be done. (Jemima 
cautiously enters carrying a vase of flowers to the 
table) 

Shirley. (Juliet) Oh, look methinks I see my 
cousin's ghost. (Jemima screams terribly drops the 
vase of flowers, and starts to run back out of the 
room, Shirley hearing the shriek runs out of the 
door of her room to see what is the matter, runs right 
into Jemima, zvhereat Jemima shivers and shakes 
and cries) 

Jemima. Oh, my Lawd, help me. {Backing off 
toward center front, Shirley following trying to 
reassure her, saying) 

Shirley. Why, what is the matter? 

Jemima. Go way from me, you spook. I never 
did nothin' that you should come here and hant me 
like this. 

Shirley. Why, I wouldn't hurt you. Come 
here and tell me what you mean. 

Jemima. No, Mam, you ain't goin' to ketch me. 
I ain't ready to go yit. 

Shirley. {To Miss Perkins) She's queer, 
isn't she? 



14 THE READER. 

Miss Perkins. (Sharply) Don't speak to me. 

Shirley. (Starts and looks astonished) Why — 
what's 

Miss Perkins. Oh, I suppose you think I don't 
know what's been going- on in there. (Pointing to 
room) It's a perfect outrage. 

Shirley. (Looking mystified and troubled) 
Why, I don't understand you. 

Mrs. Patch ett. (Patting her on the shoulder) 
There, there, my dear young lady, I want to tell 
you how sorry I feel for you. Because you are 
queer, of course you can't help it. Nobody ought 
to blame you, but yt)U know, really, my dear, it 
would be better for you to let them put you away 
in a aquarium-um, put you away. (Patting her. 
To Miss Perkins) It's a shame. She seems a 
real nice girl. 

Miss Perkins. Nice girl, uh. (To Shirley) 
I'd like to know what you did with him. 

Shirley. Him? 

Miss Perkins. Where is he now. Miss In- 
nocence ? 

(Geraldine runs in, sees Shirley, shies off.) 

Shirley. Oh, little girl, are you afraid of me 
too? 

Geraldine. Oh, yes, you are a ghost that comes 
under the crack of the door. 

(Detective enters, in business-like way, with papers 
in hand, places hand on Shirley's shoulder.) 

Detective. I am sorry. Madam, but I am obliged 
to place you under arrest. 

Shirley. (Exclaims) Arrest? 

Detective. Yes, you are wanted in a murder 
case. 

Miss Perkins. Now see that, the woman is a 
criminal. 



THE READER. 15 

(Shirley looks hopelessly from one to the other. 
Enter Mrs. Saunders. Shirley rushes to 
her, says excitedly.) 

Shirley. \Miy didn't you tell me these people 
were all crazy? I never would have come here. 

Detective. {To Mrs. Saunders) Madam, I 
am sorry to make an arrest in your house, but I 
have circumstantial evidence that this younor wo- 
man 

Miss Perkins. (To Mrs. Saunders) AMiy, 
she has behaved scandalously. She was making 
love to a man that was in her room. I heard his 
voice. 

Jemina. Well, I know for sure she is a spook. 
I heard a voice saying, Hamlet, I am thy father's 
ghost. 

Geraldine. Yes, it came right under the crack 
of the door. 

Mrs. Saunders. Oh, I begin to solve the mys- 
tery. (To Shirley) Have you been practicing? 

Shirley. Why, yes. 

Mrs. Saunders. (Laughing) This young lady 
is a Reader and she has been practicing. 

Sitirley. (Runs to room and gets cards; crozvd 
look from one to the other, passing cards to each. 
Laughiiig) For a full explanation of what you have 
heard here to-day you must come to my recital and 
satisfy yourselves about this ghostly, scandalously, 
queerly, criminal READER. 

CURTAIX. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



016 102 191 A 




